Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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