Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
