I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
