just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
