so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
