My nipple is on Facebook.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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