now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
