UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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