Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
