I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
