If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
