woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
