I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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