his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
its liver damage thursday
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