I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
someone owes me an orgasm
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
