was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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