So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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