is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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