Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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