Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
