Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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