am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
