I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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