I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
