I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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