Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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