i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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