May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
