I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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