areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
