dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
