I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You dont lie about slip and slides
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
