I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
