he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
