The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
