I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
