I hate your face
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We left the knife in your bed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
