Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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