Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
