I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
