i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
