I wish I could teleport
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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