If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
