I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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