Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
