i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
