She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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