What did we do last night that was yellow?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
