You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
