I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
