So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My bed smells like the plague
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
