Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
